There is a civil war in my heart. I want more of God, and I also want my own way. I struggle to reconcile the two opposing forces.
This verse itself is a prayer that I have on repeat.
“Teach me your way oh, Lord,
that I may walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name.” Psalm 86:11
Unite my heart. That's where I got the idea of the civil war, my heart is actually divided against itself. I've got my flesh and then I've got the Holy Spirit living in me. They are sometimes at war for space and control. My flesh is loud and bossy while the Holy Spirit is simple and steady. I've got to pay attention to hear Him. I need my heart to be after God not my desires and my way.
I love how the NIV translates the second line of this verse:
“that I may rely on your faithfulness “.
It’s not all on my shoulders, God is faithfully meeting me every time I reach for help. My sanctification, the unity of my heart, relies on His faithfulness not my effort.
Father, unite my heart. Take all the places that I run after less and turn them around. Help me remember that I am really relying on your faithfulness and let me tell my shame that everywhere I failed, you didn't. Thank you that you don't just create, you re-create.