Trusting...with all of it?

I always feel like I need to figure things out. My brain rarely stops calculating and planning. I waste so much energy trying to micromanage things God already has for me.

What’s more I miss the rest He wants me to experience by trying to rework what He’s already doing.

Is this just me?

When I became a Mom the workload doubled because I try to anticipate and work out not just all of my circumstances but also my kids.

That is not my job.

That isn't your job either.

I've gotten a big reminder of the fact that I can slip back into micromanaging so quickly. I can KNOW in my head that I am not in control, but my heart can lead me to try and flex my own muscle when I start to really feel that sense of control slips away.

There is nothing like sending your oldest daughter to college to remind your heart that it still has some surrendering to do. She is mine, but she also isn't. I don't make the plans God has for her, He does. He doesn't ask for a consult or a team effort. He makes the decisions, but that can bring me peace instead of angst because His decisions are always the right ones.

I’m working this week on laying it down. Laying down every item that makes my heart lurch and feel unsteady. I try to pick up a lot of things that aren't mine to manipulate or endlessly ponder.

I know this will be a repeat procedure.

Pick it up. Put it down.

Forget.

Pick it up. Put it down.

Things are not really in my hands.

I know deep down that if I try to catch them all I never do. I can't reach all the places I need my hands to go to even maintain an illusion of control.

I’m thankful that His hands are much bigger. I'm focusing on trusting Him with all my heart and releasing the habit of trying to figure everything out on my own.

This is the Message Version of Proverbs 3:5&6. Something about it just clicks with me. I want to hear God's voice in everything I do, but I have to still my heart to hear it. I have to stop trying so hard and start listening harder.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure everything out on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume you know it all.

I don't know how long this will take me, but I am working to form this new habit. I have a suspicion that it will be the rest of my days on this earth. It doesn't matter. I'm in, however long it takes because I want to experience more peace, and I know it is available to me.

Jesus promised, and I believe Him (John 14:27).

This is my prayer.

I'm keeping it on repeat.

I have to remind myself that I trust God more than I trust me.

You too? I'd love to know what God is asking you to trust Him with.