Into the Darkness

I've been thinking about the first tender moments of seeing my children born. I've tried to remember the excitement of feeling life moving in my womb, and how what felt like the tickle of butterfly wings quickly became kicks to the ribs. These served as daily reminders that there was a person growing inside me, even though I couldn't see them. My children had personalities even in the womb. I swear Kate danced her way through the whole third trimester, and Brian was poking me in the ribs with his head and refused to turn head down until the night before delivery, and Caleb decided to have a dramatic birth with the chord rapped around his neck.

To say that life begins at birth is easily disproved by anyone who has carried a child. I have been baffled at recent events, not just in Massachusetts, but it has brought the truth of what's happening to center stage. I've been so angry, and then so sad and confused, and then angry again.

Those emotions have both had equal charge over my heart in the last several days. Anger and sadness seemed to pull my heart in two directions at once.

After talking to God this morning, I've decided how I need to lead my heart.

The Bible always holds the answers about the human heart, and God led me to Romans 1 this morning to remind me that none of this is a surprise to Him.

Starting in verse 18-21 I am reminded that God is "revealed from heaven" and those who "suppress the truth" are "without excuse" because "what can be known about God is plain to them" but "they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking".

And the result: "...since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done" (v.28), ..."they not only do these things but give approval to those who practice them" (v32).

They are even going so far as to celebrate this evil. It breaks my heart. They have led their hearts too far into the darkness that they literally can't see anymore.

As shocked as I feel at this evil, God isn't. He has watched it all. In His sovereignty, He has also placed me in this exact space and time. He has been writing the story of my life in the right here and right now of His timeline. So, how does He want me to live in this here and now?

I realize that hasn't changed either.

God's instructions are still clear:

He has shown you, O man, what is good

and what does the LORD require of you

but to act justly,

to love mercy,

and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8

We should be angry because this is unjust, it isn't right, it's murder of innocent children that God knit together in the safety of their mother's womb. It's right to be mad. It is appropriate to feel and be crushed by the weight of this sin. Let's be angry - Yes - This is unimaginable!

We also have to balance that with the love of mercy. We are to be the hands and feet of love to every woman who feels she doesn't have a choice, and even to the ones who selfishly want to choose themselves over motherhood. An aspect of that love is telling them the truth. Loving them does not mean letting them walk in sin. They are in the dark and we are called to be the light. We have to be willing to pray for mercy, that God would open their eyes. He might not, or they might be like Saul whose eyes were opened and turned from murder to become Paul. We are called to pray and leave the results in the hands of a God who is both just and merciful. He decides.

We also get to walk humbly with God. Hand in hand, He can lead us to our assignments in this story. Do we volunteer at a pregnancy center, tell a friend the truth, use our platforms to shed light, give support to organizations being the hands and feet of Jesus, or spend real time in prayer against darkness. Maybe even all of these. There could be lots of other things God might ask us to do. The assignment may change daily, but we won't miss it as long as we are walking humbly with Him. The humility that being in God's presence ushers in can help us see this world clearly. We can see our own sin and not just the sin of others. Walking beside God can keep us from being overwhelmed by the evil or our assignments because He only walks one step at a time. It's the pace of grace.

God, help us do the good that is required of us, show us how to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with you every day of our time on earth. Remind us in our despair at evil that this isn't home. Help us clearly understand our assignment isn't judgement but love that leads to truth that frees. Enable us and lead us in the lives you have given to us. In Jesus name, Amen.